The Reunion

4 years had passed since I last saw him. We met at a party. Our host introduced us to one another and we acted like we didn't know each other.
Later that evening, I was taking the air on the terrace when I felt his presence behind me.
- Hey, he whispered.
I turned around and there he was, handsome in his tuxedo with his beautiful green-gold eyes. I took all my time appraising him from head to toe and finally answered:

- Hey. I turned around again, facing the city and pretending a total fascination with the view.
- It's been a long time. How are you?
- I'm fine. I hear Business is good for you.
- Yes it is, indeed.

There was an awkward silence. Then, he approached to stand next to me, put his hands on the railing, his left hand a few inches away from mine and said:
- I'd like to see you…in private.
- Oh, really?
- Yes, really.

I could feel his eyes on me. He touched the back of my hand, caressing it with his fingertips. I shivered, a whole current crossing through my body. How could he still provoke this much effect…4 years later!
- Where? I asked with a small voice.
- Do you have the same phone number?
- Yes.
- I will text you my address.
He walked back to the party, leaving me there… confused…pissed off…excited.

The Wait

The text came in 2 days later.

Good question. Should I go? Even if I wanted to, I wasn't sure it was a good idea.

Hum! Who was I trying to fool? Of course, I'll go. As if I could ever tell him no! And there lied the problem; I always said "yes". Always. Even when he asked me if he could leave; I said yes, go. This kind of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime.

Did I love him? Yes, I did...I do. I let him go because I loved him and didn't want him to regret anything. Regret leads to bitterness and bitterness turns love into hate.
So Yes! I will go.

But yet, I decided not to answer his text, just to keep him wondering, make him wait too. I'll just show up on his doorstep tomorrow at 4.

The Secret Rendez-Vous

At 4pm sharp, I knocked on his door.

- Coming!
I went into his apartment; his lavishly decorated apartment. Hum, I didn't remember him as an ostentatious luxury lover. Maybe being famous changed his tastes?

And he must have noticed the look of surprise on my face because he said:

- This is not my place you know. A friend is letting me stay here for a few weeks.
- Oh…okay. Thank God!

Aaaand, that awkward silence again. Electricity filled the air. I was barely breathing, looking everywhere except in his direction.

"Don't make eye contact, girl! Don't look into his eyes! You know what's gonna happen if you do!"

That was the little cartoon lady in my head.
Yes, call me crazy but I've always pictured my inner voice as some kind of manga character.

And here I was, fixing the intricate designs on the carpet.

- Baby, he said with a soft voice. Look at me.
- No, I replied in a small voice, shaking my head.
- Why not?
- 'Cause I'm doomed if I do…
- Oh…Well, I'd love to be doomed with you.

My heart skipped a beat, my palms were sweaty, my mouth dry.

"Hum, if you get all turned up only by the sound of his voice, might as well look".

He came towards me, put a finger under my chin and made me raise my head. When our eyes met, I knew I was lost.

What She Came For

I looked into his eyes, his beautiful eyes, for what seemed like an eternity. I just stood there like under a spell, not moving a muscle.
Then he took my hand and led me across the apartment... to his bedroom.

"Doomed, hun? More like screwed!"

Said my inner voice, laughing at me.

He closed the door behind us, and, still holding my hand, sat on the bed. I was standing between his legs, feeling hot, cold, confused, excited, happy, afraid, all the above.
He was looking at me, assessing me like some kind of precious object; like when you've been waiting for something for a long time and there it was, finally yours, all yours.

- If you have doubts, you can leave now. But if you let me start, I won't be able to stop.
- Well…then don't stop.
- Okay, he said, pulling me closer to him with a satisfied smile.

"Et voilà! Can't turn back now."

This is the moment; this is what I came for today. I knew it would go down like this so I kept it simple: black top, black leggings, flat shoes and a cardigan. Easy to get into… even easier to get out of.

He started undressing me: took my cardigan off, caressing my shoulders and my arms. He planted soft kisses on my wrists all the time fixing me intensely. I shivered but kept looking straight into his eyes. I kicked my shoes off, my top flew over my head. He undid my pants and slid them down, touching my legs.
My bra (hell, he unhooked it with 2 fingers) and panties quickly followed the rest of my outfit on the floor.

- Let me look at you.
I kindly obliged, stepping back, totally naked and unashamed. Well, there was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing he hadn't seen before. And by the look on his face, I could see he appreciated the show.
- Do you like what you see? I asked boldly.
- All of me like what I see, he replied, showing me the bulge in his pants.
- Okay; my turn.
- Your turn to do what?
- Well, to undress you my dear, I said with a smile.

"Girl, you got that attitude just right!"

I slowly walked to the bed, swaying my hips, took his hands and made him get up. Simple outfit too: t-shirt, sweat pants, barefoot.
Soon, both of us stood there, quietly watching each other; waiting.
Then, he took me into his arms and started touching me, kissing and caressing me everywhere, from the base of my throat to the back of my knees. He was kissing my belly when he put his tongue in my navel. An electric wave coursed through my entire body. I was about to blow out.
All the time he said nothing, clearly loving the effect he had on me, the reactions he was causing. I promised myself that no matter what, I wouldn't ask, wouldn't beg for anything. I was so ready for him to go further but too proud to admit out loud that I wanted him... now.

It was time to even things out. Not fair to be the only one going crazy in here.
I started kissing him back, biting his bottom lip, licking my way down from his neck to his belly…and finally got down on my knees. I used my hands, my lips, my tongue…and my teeth. I was satisfied to feel his breathing change, his body tense, his hands gripping my shoulders and pulling my hair.

Finally he broke the silence:
- I want you.
- I know.
- But I don't want it nice and slow.
- Suit yourself.
He bent me over the bed.

And their story continues, hotter than ever...

The Aftermath

Sex with him's so amazing
Like in my memories. No, even better.

I woke up in his bed, in his arms...sore...with a stupid smile on my face.

I didn't want to wake him up so I didn't move; just laid there naked, reminiscing about the way (should I say «ways»?) he had treated my body. Gentle but so ruff at the same time.

Well, that's what you asked for, remember? And I quote: «I don't want it nice and slow».

Huuuumm and he was prompt to grant my wishes. Closing my eyes, I replayed the whole scene in my head: his hands all over my body, his hot kisses and powerful thrusts...

I must have moaned out loud because I felt him move so I rolled on my side to watch him wake up. He was so handsome with his impossibly long lashes and his unshaved beard.
He opened his eyes, looked at me and smiled. Even in the vapors of sleep, his eyes still clouded, his hair tousled, he had the power to melt my heart.

We laid there, gazing in each other's eyes, not talking, not even breathing for fear of breaking the spell. And it felt good; it felt safe and familiar, as if 4 years hadn't passed since the last time we shared the same bed. He took my hand and started kissing my finger tips, pulling me close to him. Reality kicked in when his phone rang.

-If you wish, I can ignore it.
Too late, the spell was broken.
-Answer it, I'll get dressed.

He looked disappointed, hesitant but finally picked up his phone. I gathered my clothes (they were all over the floor) and went to the bathroom to freshen up. When I got out, he had left the bedroom. I followed the sound of his voice and found him in the kitchen, drinking water...naked.

Some things don't change...

And now what?

And now, well... My heart (and some other parts of me) wants me to pick up where we left off. But my brains (the smartest of the lot) says it's useless. Indeed, he is only here for a few weeks and then he leaves, goes back to his life of travels around the world.

If I decide to follow my heart, we will go out, attend parties, have fun and lots of sex (yeah, we do that); and when it's time to go, he will leave me brokenhearted...again.

Decisions, decisions...

Life is simple
Love is simple
But we, humans, make it so confusing...

Life is simple
Love is simple
But we, humans, make it so confusing
Always choosing the hard way
We remain angry when we could be cool
We’re stubborn when we could just let go
We’re spiteful when we should forgive
We judge our partner
When we’re not perfect ourselves
We remember things we could forget...

What a stupid game,
Life is too short to waste your time arguing about the colour of the sky
Then we break up…and make up…again and again
Where are we going?
What are we doing?
Will it ever end?

Love should be blind enough to let you close your eyes when it’s ugly
High enough to climb a mountain
Hot enough to warm the coldest nights
Humble enough to bow
Kind enough to share
Brave enough to dare
Soft enough to care

Love should feel like what we see in the movies and the books
Endless,
Patient,
Curious,
Naughty,
Crazy.

Love should be everything and everywhere.

They dated for a year, in high school. They were seventeen, he was her first and she was in love. Maybe he was too; but too much influence from his friends made him act as if he didn't care.

There lied the problem. When she cared, she wasn't afraid or ashamed to show it.

They didn't see each other much outside of school. Him being busy ignoring her on purpose (to look cool in front of his friends). And her, too proud to show it hurt.
It's funny how young boys think that showing love for a girl makes them look weak...
The sex, though rare, was good. Actually, she had nothing to compare it to. She just liked it... a lot.
He had this way of making her toes curl, her nails scratch and her teeth bite.

She didn't break up with him because she stopped loving him. She just grew tired of him disappearing for weeks at a time. Then, he would show up again, all smiles, as if nothing happened.

She fell for somebody else. Somebody who was present and who told her what she needed to hear, when she needed it the most.

Sex was even better with this one. Frequent, rough and oh so dirty. This one was such a player, though. She knew it but didn't care.

But yet, her first always held a special place in her heart. They remained friends after they parted. And every time they met, even years later, she couldn't help but wonder...

And she could see he was wondering too. He confirmed it by sending her a song: "All The Things I Should Have Known".

Yeah, if he only knew that all she wanted was to see him more often, put her head on his shoulder, lay in his arms.

They could have been great together. Intelligent, passionate and driven, they would have accomplished a lot. Ah youth! Making us feel like we know what we're doing when, in reality, we know nothing.

He was her first and there will always be unfinished business between them. He made her discover her body, her womanhood... but not all of it. He touched her like she had never been touched before... but not everywhere. He awakened her to a world of unknown sensations... but...

And every time she sees him or talks to him, she asks herself... what if?

They say it ain't over 'til it's over. Especially with your first...